thisisjustawful asked: There's going to be a day, I'm sure, when John gets ill because of the dead things in your flat.

I don’t even eat on that table most days- just sit on the couch or floor instead. I find it healthier than eating with carcasses.

That’s nice, John. Because I really do care.

What would you do if I got sick?

Fix you.

Good.

iwannadoabackflip asked: John has already gone through Sherlock's "death". Sherlock, what would you do if John died (or at least appeared to be)?

Follow his lead. Easily. Dead or faking it, if I full-heartedly believed he was gone, I would join him instantly. There’s no doubt in my mind for my choices.

Sherlock.

I would. You don’t need to test me.

No. It’s just… Thank you. 

Welcome.

Anonymous asked: Hey! I wonder if Gladsone had little cats, what would you do?

Kill them one at a time.

Sherlock Holmes!

Yes?

What the hell?

It’s a logical response.

For you… No one except you would think these things!

Mycroft wou-

I don’t give a bloody concern about him. Gladstone will be going nowhere near any male cats, but it was out of your place to say that.

Humph.

Anonymous asked: Hello! First, I just wanted to say that you guys are so cute! (Shut up, Sherlock, you two are adorable and you know it.) Okay, so. The topic is bullying, which unfortunately is a big problem. When people call you names or talk about you, how do you deal with it? Did it bother you, if ever? For people who are picked on at school, in Uni or anywhere, what kind of advice would you give to them? And John, if/when someone says something potentially hurtful to Sherlock, how have you defended him?

We. Are. Not. Cute.

Not until you put on trousers.

…For the name calling: When I was younger I simply ignored it (the children were stupid) and for now John is fond of taking care of it - whether I wish him to or not. It doesn’t bother me much.

They shouldn’t call you those names. They don’t know you. I defend him in ways I deem reasonable for the situation (a punch, ignoring the person, etc). As for me, name calling never really was thrown at me; although, if it did I’m sure it would have harmed me emotionally.

You asked what we’d like to say to the people out there dealing with this. I must admit that whoever is doing this is beneath you. Stupid people are tedious - never intelligent.

Don’t let them bother you, it’s not worth it. You’re probably funny and nice and happy and everyone who loves you wants you to stay this way. Bullies are nothing. And if else fails, grab a friend to support you. Consulting detectives work best.

Agreed.

Anonymous asked: If you were forced to either turn into a breast or a noodle what would you choose this is a serious question

Sometimes I want to send you all to an infirmary to get your heads checked.

But then I remember I already deal with one insane person. And that’s enough, mind you.

It’s too bright in here.

Maybe you should ask the breast-noodle anonymous to fix that.

John, please, I-

Fine, fine.

Possibly the noodle; I am rather starved.

Not my fault.

athenafg26 asked: I apologize if this has been asked before because I'm really lame at asking questions. This will probably be a really boring question anyway,(Wow, I'm rambling) but if you could do anything in the world without consequences what would it be and why?

An intricate murder? I haven’t the slightest. 

I’d probably go to a landmark and go past the areas they allow.

John, why are you ignoring me.

You're Sherlock Holmes. Deduce the flat or something.

Come out of the spare room.

I’d rather not.

You’re still angry that I went and met with Harry.

Congratulations.

Come down.

No.

thepoweroffriendshipgivesumoney asked: Hypothetical scenario. What if when you returned, Sherlock, you find that John is going to get married and have a family. He also grew a mustache. What would you do? And John, depending on what he says, what would your reaction be? Hope this doesn't sound weird!

It sounds incredibly weird.

Why does everyone want me to have a mustache?

I doubt it matters really. Sadly, that scenario is difficult to imagine because it would make things increasingly difficult. If he were still in the flat, I’d move into 221C or another one in the general area and go on cases alone. I’m sure he would join me occasionally, but most of the time he’d make an excuse that he needed to be safe so he could provide for his family. How boring.

That life is beginning to sound displeasing.

What? Explain. Now.

Well, being married and all. Children sound nice, but I don’t want you to move out.

Thank you?

Okay?

I’m meeting with Harry today. I thought I should meet her.

What? Sherlock, you can’t!

Oh, but I am.

Anonymous asked: Sherlock, what would you do if John was kidnapped by a cannibal?

He’d probably shoot the person. He does that rather frequently when I’m involved.

Or I could carefully decide the best option depending on the situation..

Improbable.

Is that so?

Yes. Why do you continue staring at the clouds?

I like to watch them.

How could you possibly enjoy that?

It’s entertaining. You can make shapes out of them.

You’ve gone mad, John. Good thing we’re stopping a Bart’s later.

You’re the one collecting dirt and grass samples to experiment on when we get back to the flat.

And how is that bad?

It’s not- just odd.

Oh really?

I’m not going to fight with you. We’re in public- we’re having a reasonably nice time. I won’t let you ruin this.

You sound like my mother.

You sound grouchy.

I’ll attempt to stop, fine?

Perfect.

Anonymous asked: Sherlock, what would you do if someone made John cry

I don’t normally cr-

It depends on the circumstances, why?